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Heyy girll,
As your senior and your sort-of close friend.
i had some after-thoughts when i read ur posts on ur blog.
And also writing this post, is also partly because i feel guilty.
You suddenly reminded me of something.
I have been very busy with all the tasks and admin work,
pacing myself, moving faster, hustling by with workload, schoolwork etc.
I move too fast in fact, that i overlooked a few things and
slowly, slowly. i lost myself.
i lost my values. i lost my foothold in life. i became another person.
not outside. more on the inside.
i found myself looking back on what i did.
and realised what i done was what i wouldnt' have done in the past.
because that's not me.
so i'm here to give share a bit of my afterthoughts.
for ur sake[and mine] becuz it would be quite a fair bit before we see each other again.
in terms of face-to-face, heart-to-heart talk.
regarding herr,
i think ur not a hypocrite.
u've been through a lot, i no.
she's probably one of ur first friends you met in ahs[am i not wrong?]
becuz u feel like as if you've been betrayed by ur pri friends,
mayb that's why u still wan to be her frend.
becuz its like abandoning her if u dun. just like wad they did to u.
the feeling of being abandoned. is sickening.
it eats u up inside. like a hungry monster feeding on blood.
or maybe its because ur still hoping she might change.
you treasure friendships. because its part of u.
its ur fundamental basis of what shapes u.
u dun wan to lose a friendship. despite how bad it is.
or maybe u dun wan to leave her like dat.
becuz ur clinging onto that hope.
hoping. hoping.
and ur sick of her.
not because of her attitude
but becuz ur tired and sick of waiting.
for her to change for the better.
and ur disappointed becuz she always let u down.
again and again.
ur sick of always running after herr.
but deep down, ur still hoping and waiting.
deep down, she's still ur friend.
no matter how much u cant stand her attitude
ur hoping that someday, she might stop and wait for u to catch up.
but becuz u both did go thru some times together
which sort of forms a tie between u both.
and it is close to ur heart.
u dun wan to let go.
at least, not yet. not ready. not prepared to.
No same friendship is the same.
some form by chance, some form through a difficult time together etc etc.
might sound corny here. ha-ha.
but its true.
she's still holds a significance importance to u.
dear girl,
i won't tell u to accept her for who she is.
cuz i noe u tried to.
i wont tell u not to pin any expectations or stop hoping she'll change.
cuz i noe somehow or another, expecting something is unavoidable.
i wont tell u to avoid her or stop communicating with her altogether,
cuz i noe that u tried, but either way, she's still ur frend.
i wont tell u to tell her abt this,
cuz i noe that u tried anyway.
i wont tell u anything.
becuz i dunno wad to do myself if i were u.
helplessness.
juz wan u to no that i do understand.
that there are people who understand.
that its ok and its alrite to feel like u lost ur dignity, like a hypocrite.
that its ok to feel vexed abt it.
juz take things one at a time.
maybe u should stop running after her to catch up, take a taxi instead:)
well about ur parents.
everybody always seems to have imperfect parents.
yes yes, we love them and all.
but sometimes they never fail to become a pain in the butt.
like rite now, my dear mother is nagging away about
us always like to dawdle here and there and how
we always seem to be busy and not spending enough family time
together etc etc... ...
blah blah-rarrgh-gobbles-yade-yade.
*rolls eyes*
but because ur parents have only one daughter and one son
whom i'm sure they would want the best for them
especially when both had weak physique.
u with the asthma and ur brother with an unknown illness,
probably both mentally and physically.
yes, brothers never fail to be another pain-in-the-arse too.
wad's wif them anyway?
but it always work to muse over them-like wad i'm doing now-
and do a light-b*tching overr them
becuz thats how we make life more interesting and light-hearted.
muse#1
whenever my parents nag, i would start thinking of smelly socks.
how you can always tell where they are, due to their really strong
smelly stench that reeks. really fascinating smelly socks can be, rite?
u dun even need to no where ur sperm-and-egg donor are, u can
tell where they are by the direction of their nagging.
muse#2
do they actually go to a school and master the art of nagging?
or isit naturally instilled in them?
wad school is it? how much do they pay? do
they wear uniforms that says,
"The School of Fine Nonsensical Incessant Self-Talk"?
How does their uniform look like?
Does mothers wear white skirts like ours?
I hope it is.
Then, the mothers will know exactly how we feel
when our-time-of-the-month comes.
Then, they can write a petition to ban white skirts FOREVER.
yayX))
if it is naturally instil in them, wad age exactly do u start nagging?
Age of 30? Famously known as the Middle Age Crisis
they should call it the Teenage crisis too.
If it isnt the age, it must be when the mothers know ur inside
their bellys already.
3months? Or when the child is born?
They should teach this in school, instead of biology.
muse#3
Its really a miracle how they can always talk non-stop,
stringing so many words in one breath.
It must be when we're coming out of their bellys
and the doctor tells them "Breathe In, Breathe Out Slowly.
Take a deep breath and-NOW PUSH!"
Teenagers should get a right to sue these doctors.
muse#4
And how come they can always insist we do these.
do that. dont do these. dont do that. They must be
locked up in their homes for 2 decades or something
and have no childhood at all. And are back for revenge!
Now i know where the directors get all their brillant ideas
like "The Revenge of the Red Tomatoes"
To-Ma-Toes.
ah-hah!
or maybe they have some sort of guidebook
"A Dummy's Guide on How to be a-pain-in-the-arse Parent"
bless the children of the author of that book.
Muse#5
And why the h*** do they always compare us with other children?
And yet, we cant compare them to other parents?
E.g when my parent compare me with this other child due to their better grades,
i'd go
'Now mother, do u know that he/she actually still pee in their pants
when they are still at the age of 12? Because their parents nag at them
too much. So they develop this "Traumatic syndrome" which doctors
say are not like to go away very soon until when they reach adult-abt 40?
Now, you dont want me to have such illness now do u? '
and then my mom would go 'naaaawwwwnnn-sense'
and shut up after that.
silent celebration over a cup of tea.
Muse#6[Extras]
Boy, am i one lovely senior and president to type all this?
AHEMs,while yes, we do love them and everything.
but sometimes they do tend to get on our nerves.
but no parent's perfect.
yeah, and we teenagers have to suffer the consequences.
disclaimer* all these above musings are typed by the author
on the spot. they may be true because the author has the right
and definetly the privilege to type all this, false or not
to the benefit of a distraught person. thankyou>.<